Is ‘Goblin Mode’ the new self-care?
Ok, if you haven’t already heard, the Oxford Dictionary word of the year has been announced. And to be honest, it’s the best thing I’ve heard all damn year.
For the first time ever, the word was voted for by the public and this year's winning word went up against the likes of “Metaverse” (vom) and "#IStandWith" (meh).
This year’s word is Goblin mode.
The definition, I feel, hits a bit harsh: "a type of behaviour which is unapologetically self-indulgent, lazy, slovenly, or greedy, typically in a way that rejects social norms or expectations".
But I think this is also exactly the reason this word needs to exist.
The way I see it is, if you're a living breathing human woman with a family, a career, play dates, a growing business, and any semblance of a life, is every single day, not just a constant battle to NOT be in goblin-mode (often only leaving you feeling totally IN goblin mode, like ALL of the time)?!
Hearing the word just made me feel so fucking seen. Because what it represents to me, is The Fall of Perfectionism, and all the guilt and “am I doing it right?” that goes with literally just trying to be a better human being for your family & yourself, every day.
As we close another year, looking back at the last few with exhaustion and grief, while also looking forward with hope and probably some anxiety and that ever-present uncertainty, this word feels like that reprieve we’ve all been waiting for. Like the perfect description of a state of being we’ve all felt that much more attached to in the last few years. AND, most importantly, by putting a word to how we’ve been feeling, it’s made that feeling OK.
For me, this past year has prompted an incredible unlearning of, and unshackling myself from the traditional rules and status quo of work. I’ve worked completely remotely with a team from all over the world, I’ve helped shape organisational culture, I’ve helped rebrand a business, and I’ve done A LOT of things I didn’t know how to do & had to be very uncomfortable in the process. And I did all this while finishing a research thesis and my coaching hours.
And for the better part of the year, the reality of what that looked like was me, in my pjs, with my hair in a messy bun, with 2 empty cups of coffee and 1 that had gone cold on the desk in front of me. It’s looked like toast crumbs all over my t-shirt and putting makeup on my dirty unwashed face. It’s looked like forgetting to feed my cat & often myself. It’s looked like meditating, praying and crying on the floor of our living-room late at night (and sometimes early in the morning), willing God to give me just that one last ounce of mental strength to “push-through”.
This, my friends is what full Goblin mode looks like for me.
And I know, that you have your own version of this too.
In these full Goblin mode moments I’d catch myself scrolling through my favourite Gram & Tik Tok accounts seeing these immaculate women in their matching monochromatic two-piece ‘fits, in their perfectly clean apartments and their perfectly curated bathrooms. And I’d look around in the dark at my dusty-ass floor and unwiped kitchen counter and feel like absolute crap.
But knowing that 93% of people who voted for the Oxford word of the year chose Goblin mode makes me realise that I’m not the only one! And, I haven’t been the only one. And, I mean scientifically & mathematically I simply cannot be the only one. There has to be more of you who feel like me. Because the messy stuff is life. The things we’re “pushing through” and working on and crying & praying about IS life.
And that to me, makes the definition and sentiment of Goblin mode the BEST breakthrough in self-care we’ve seen since the rise of self-care. Because it allows us to put words to the imperfect, messy, not-quite-done, tough, gritty parts that make up MOST of our lives. It allows us the vocabulary for the vulnerable imperfection that is that messy middle. It relieves us from the “not enough-ness” feeling that looking at our favourite Grammer’s perfect insta feed can sometimes bring about. And, even though we don’t need it, it grants us permission to live in that mess for as long as it takes for us to work through it.
Because life isn’t a perfect kitchen and matching monochrome twinset, it’s all the messy shit in between.
So, here is my challenge to you my friend: As you reflect on your 2022 and plan your intentions for 2023 ask yourself these two questions:
What did I learn about myself from the vulnerable moments I found myself in ‘Goblin mode’ this year?
How can those lessons inform my intentions for 2023?
I’d love to hear your take on this topic. Hit me back on rox@thestaplelife.co.za
