Is self-care more challenging for career women?
The simple answer to why self-care is so important for you as a working woman is that… well, babe, no one else is going to take care of you. You might have work wives and a kind boss or an understanding leadership team but, one; they have themselves to take care of, and, two; especially in the case of your management structure, they will still choose the bottom line over you. It’s their job. Your job, is that take care of number 1.
Ok, yes, I’m gonna get a little snarky with this point of view, but it’s only because I’ve seen (and experienced firsthand) how as career women if we don’t ask for what we want, set good boundaries, and say no when we’re at capacity, we end up feeling overlooked, overworked, frustrated and disgruntled at work. And aaalll that has a really bad effect on our ability to handle stress, and take care of our physical and emotional needs. Nevermind, show up at 100% in the REST of our lives (ja, you know, the stuff you’re doing when you’re not at work?)
Now the reason I believe that working women need to be more considered with their self-care vs self-employed women, freelancers, or contract consultants, for example - which I am well aware is going to rub some peeps up the wrong way - is because working women don’t have the same freedom to dictate their own time. And therefore, don’t always have the advantage of determining when and how they wish to rest when they need to.
As someone who’s worn all the hats, from freelancer, 3rd party consultant, and sub-contractor, to full-time AND part-time employee over the course of my career, I’ve experienced the varied effects all these roles have had on my time demands & therefore my energy demands.
When I’ve been in those freelancing, consulting and sub-contracting roles, I would often get into the practice of taking on a project, working through nights, early mornings and weekends to get it done. Sacrificing my usual late mornings, easy Sundays, and bare minimum Mondays to get the work done. But the only reason I would put myself under such a grueling schedule, is because I knew it was temporary. I knew that once this project was over, I could have that time back, because I had full autonomy over how I organised my time and responsibilities.
Then, when I was working full-time, I was often doing similar things, i.e. pulling all-nighters, giving up Sundays on the couch, and time with my family to get work done. And, the result lead to burnout, because I wasn’t able to take that Monday off or sleep in. I had to be online or in the office for 8.30am meetings and sometimes have most of my days scheduled for me by other people.
The reality of the workplace is that we’re not in as much control over our time as we’d like. Working hours are set by the organisation. The hybrid or flexibility policy may not always have room for negotiation. And yes, these things are changing and getting a bit better, but there is still a lot of room for improvement. Leave is predetermined, even if you’re in a senior leadership position (maybe especially when you’re in a senior leadership position). The agenda of the organisation will always trump your own personal desire for fewer meetings, more flexible working hours, and the need for more days off. Deadlines, meetings, and commitments are set to suit the organisations needs, not necessarily the needs of its employees. (Come at me organisations…🥷🏿)
Now, don’t get me wrong, I am NOT discounting the work that organisations themselves need to do to address things like why their employees are overworking, burning out, and creating more inclusive working hours and conditions. I fully believe is an organisational-level problem to solve.
But as independent, resourceful women, we can’t be waiting around for our management structures alone, to put better policies in place. We hold some self-responsibility in this.
Now, besides the fact that no one else is going to take care of us, self-care in the workplace helps us reduce stress levels, gives us the energy to tackle our tasks more efficiently, and even improves our physical health. But most importantly, it allows us to conserve our energy for the MORE important things in our life outside of work, like our family, our passion projects, our communities, and our pets. And that reason ALONE, needs to be taken into consideration A LOT more than it currently is.
So, how can we shape our work days, so that we don’t leave work every day feeling like we just got run over by a bus?
The key, I have learned, is managing our energy instead of trying to manage time. Time is finite. We can’t change it. But, we can understand what helps our ability to use that finite time in the best possible way.
Here are a few strategies that might help:
Get to know how you work. Are you a last-minute dot-com person, who enjoys a time crunch to get stuff done? Do you prefer to have more time for creative stuff in the morning or the afternoon? What helps you get your workday going in the morning? How do you know you’re on information overload & need a break from your desk?
Knowing what your approach to your working day is in relation to how your feel, will go a long way in helping you know when to request meetings, when to block out a few hours to do more focused work, or when it’s a great time to go visit your work wife in the next department.
Over time, I’ve realised for example, that I get a lot done in the mid-mornings and in the later afternoons - that is my best time for thinking & creative work. When I was in a more formal working environment, the mid-mornings were packed with meetings, so I’d capitalise on that later afternoon time to start new projects and finish works-in-progress.
Understanding these preferences about yourself is a really great way to help you regulate your energy while you work. Making sure you hit that sweet spot between feeling like you had a really productive & satisfying work day, but not so hectic that you’re totally tapped out by the time you get home.
Figure out your limits. Everyone has a maximum and minimum limit on their energy. Exceeding our limits will leave us feeling exhausted, frustrated, irritable and tapped. Underusing our limit, might leave us feeling restless and unfocused. The sweet spot is that satisfied feeling I spoke about at #1. And this sweet spot is totally unique for everyone.
There is research to show that mornings are best for creative or focused work because our brains are fresh; while afternoons are best for learning, training & new information and evenings are best for releasing information (like emptying out our brains).
As I realised my own patterns, I also realised that after one of these intense working sessions either in the morning or the afternoon, my brain would be totally maxed out. So I couldn’t do two on the same day. Yes, that means I could honestly only do focused, high-concentration work 2-3 hours a day. There is research to show that this is true for most people. After one of my intense working session, I need a big reward. Like a delicious meal, a walk to my favourite coffee shop for lunch, or listening to my favourite podcast on the way home.
Our maximums & minimums will shift depending on a few things:
Whether you’re more of a morning person or more of an afternoon/ evening person.
The nature of your job
What you’re used to & whether it’s working for you or not
Your home & family demands
Your physical caretaking (i.e. are you eating regularly, are you properly hydrated, do you have any chronic stress or hormonal challenges, etc)
A way to figure this out is to just observe yourself for about a week, over weekdays & the weekend & figure out what works best for you. When are you most mentally, emotionally & physically exhausted? Notice the time of day, the work you were doing, whether people were present or not, and where you are on hydration, hunger & sleep.
Don’t be scared to get weird with it. Being able to manage our energy is figuring out what works for our uniqueness. If you and I ever worked in the same office or open plan together, you’ll know that I am probably one the quietest people you’ve ever worked with. I love keeping headphones in, with a banging playlist, desk-dancing (sometimes singing) while I work and blocking out the world. I can do that for a good solid 3-4 hours a few times a week, But, as soon as I’m done with that, I need less focused work for the rest of the day. Then I need to recollect my energy. Give me an open wall space or a closed unused window, and there will be post-its on that with all my mad scientist ideas all over it in no time. These are the things that help me think, help me stay focused and help me get the most of my energy to take on the tasks of the day.
Find one thing you can do for yourself, every day. As career women, especially if you have high demands on your time outside of work (like being a mom, a primary caregiver or a passion project), making time to do something that helps you collect yourself every day is really important. Yes, the old adage of “you can’t pour from an empty cup” is so true. Finding a routine that helps you either relax or re-energise yourself, is best. If there’s a way to do this before you even start your work day, even better.
Finding some time for yourself before the day begins, allows you to not only get into the cognitive habit of prioritising yourself over everything else in your life, but it also helps you create an appointment with yourself at a time of day when nothing else has bothered you yet. Our brains are at their most spongy and ripe for new information just after we wake up. How awesome would it be to use that time, to nourish and care for yourself?
Hit me back at rox@thestaplelife.co.za, to share some of your strategies.
Rox
xx
